She texted “Good morning : )” and I knew it well as I often sent the same; it’s a solid text, only my heart didn’t jump rope for Michelle. Like a watched pot, the girl (or guy) you achingly want to hear from never texts when you want them to yet the instant you lose hope and look away-Bukka Buuuu! Your heart jumps rope to an incoming text reading: “What’s ya doin?” “What’s up?” or simply, “Hey...”

After such routine good morning texts, time can eclipse; maybe Michelle and I talked later that day, possibly another or never again. On the contrary, people meet husbands and future ex wife’s every day within the slight look between a “passer by” on the street. Accompanied by mirrored hidden smiles, your eyes connect with another to see the first date first kiss first night first kid first wedding and the first night alone.

For tonight IS the first night alone. None of that happen, yet inside that split second your mind lived a lifetime. You saw what could be and built an entire future for the girl (or guy) drifting by you till they exited forever stage “left”.

In an attempt to salvage another day alone, I dragged myself to the shower for an idle moment in the eye of the storm where the mind is free to wander amongst the mental playground... Met by a blank lock screen on my phone afterwards, I couldn’t force myself to leave the bedroom. One should not allow their moods to be dependent on others but human nature is stubborn to say the least.

...Dreary sets it’s sights and I try to keep it in; the heart knows no bounds as the soul continues to sing; I feel tears welling, sun no longer breaking through clouds willing, ready to kill all light and life leaving parallel earth to go it on alone. I try to shift my emotions and passions but cannot find comfort in my own skin’s throne; my jaw clenches but one can only bite down sooo hard as thoughts of all I was never given as a child resonate around my brain’s room until its too much to take; bag swirling around is too beautiful and I try to hold on but simply must break; my heart beats faster an’transforms to resemble darkened moons while stomachs sink, joining my liver at the bar “pain and suffering” on the backside of my heart and I swoon... I weep for the past and a glimpse of the future. I cannot worry about what I lack, but it’s all I can think of sewing up collapsed sutures. I think about those I had wronged at the death of myself and how I’d die so many times over if it led me back to that shelf, with dreams of a passerby laced in such novels and wars that never end leaving Hector to grovel while Achilles lay waiting to play spoiler in climaxes; I’d rather to have found my Helen and fallen victim to hellish romances eventually swallowed by the endless abyss... Embraced by winter’s kiss, the pain seeps through my defenseless pores allowing tears t’gracefully stream down in the now frozen sun; having never been love’s chosen one, there’s painful pleasure living down here with face flushed, eyes run a blood red strained glass window. My veins and arteries remain utterly obstructed by sadness and sorrow’s tears; a double bypass couldn’t clear out the cobwebs adding to runaway train’s fears that spiders have burrowed deep into my emotional immune system and stunted its growth at an early stage in life. I may or may not have burst another blood vessel but neither pain nor blood knows any bounds or strife; the river Hades is full of loss souls and I can prosper down here in hopeless cites; I wish to find my way out but it’s ever so easy to bask in one’s own self pities. Cry, cry on...

__________________________________

Act 1: Scene 1: “Welcome to the Heights...”

(Wednesday: June 18th, 2014)

__________________________________

Q: “This girl on facebook said she was rollin out to a party at the Merlo mansion tonight; sooooo I figured we could-”

Santana: “-I’m out...”

Q: “Big surprise. (turns to Santana pleading) Come on dude; we’re gonna ‘release Julian back into the wild’ and help him get over that one chick. You still out? Why are you such a fuckin drama queen?”

Santana: “Thanks”

Q: (scrunched up face) “Oh come on man, lighten up; that bitch left you years ago and you’re still cryin? Get over it already!” (Santana storms out the front door)

Santana Casta danced around graves but never looked the tombstone in the face; never dealt with his head on collision of a relationship with Jasmine Merlo...

Bastion: (picks up bag of chips) “Really dude? That was messed up; we all know how badly she crushed him back in the day”

Q: “Annnnnnd SPEAKing of crushed; (looks at Julian) Arch you still all tripped out over Veronica?” (smiles)

Julian: (pauses video game) “Ha Ha bro; Just cuz you can fuck a girl and never talk to her ever again doesn’t make you a man”

Bastion: (stops chewing chips) “It doesn’t make him a woman...”

Julian: (stands up) “Yeaaaa, but this is 2014 Bass; I mean ever since Sex and the City and Miley Cyrus, woman live like men these days”

Q: “Makes sense both ways; Julian here (slams him on the back) lives like a woman for surrrreee”

Julian: “Fuck you!” (shoves Q)

Q: (shoves back) “Fuck You! Oh, the lover has some fight in him now huh? (looks him up and down) It’s nice t’see some testosterone finally!”

Julian: “Oh unlike you who is a walking-”

Bastion:“-ALRIGHT ENOUGH!!! ALLLL of you are a bunch of fuckin women... Q, what’s up with tonight, you sure about this? Last time we went to a party in the valley we fought some randoms; hashtag wefuckedemup”

Q: “You fuckin know itttt!!! (Hand clasps Bastion) But I wouldn’t worry about it cuz no one ever fights at the Merlo mansion with the police always kickin it in the driveway; besides, Santana isn’t rollin so we’re cool”

Julian: (shaking head) “I don’t know; what if Veronica shows up?”

Q: “Dude, you sound like your brother now”

Julian: “No shit, I AMMMM his brother so of course I’m gonna sound like him”

Bastion: “Score one for the chicks!” (marks imaginary slash in the air)

Julian: “Damn straight! Wait... whatever screw it, who care’s if she’s there or not; let’s roll out. Someone’s gotta grab some alcohol so we’re not drinkin all their shit”

Q: “For sure, Stephan you’re riding with me; Bastion here can take Mopey McMoperson”

Julian: (turns to Q) “...Thanks”

The four walk out to Santana driving away bumping the artist known simply as “Banks”...

Bastion: “Ohhhhh shiiiiitt; he’s playin the sad girly music again; (turns to Q shaking his head) look what youuuuuu did“

Q: “Whatever dude, it doesn’t take much to set himoff... (starts car) Remember to swoop some alcohol losers!” (drives off)

Julian: (looks at Bastion) “Figures”

Still attempting to talk himself out of heartbreak five years later, Santana continuously debated with himself to try and get over her; however, trying to convince yourself of anything is nearly impossible. Try, try on...

(“Banks - Bedroom Wall” emits out the car’s speakers)

Subconscious: Ok, She’s a bitch. You supported her and threw aside everything and everyone to help her in any way possible yet when she found the confidence and strength to be alone, she left you... And THEN when you’re down and out and need her like she needed you, what does she do???.... M-I-fuckin-A; no response, no contact...

Conscious: Why are you such a fuckin drama queen? Its been years and you’re still broken up over her??? Suck it up, let it go!!!

Subconscious: I can’t... And every so often the tidal waves shoot down below renewing my hope that-

Conscious: -No you fool, that’s just you fabricating shit up in your head again; I should know... If she wanted you she would have come back years ago and not married that one loser. She doesn’t want you; get that through your egotistical head!

Subconscious: I refuse... Yes we fought and have all sorts of issues and obstacles to overcome, but it would be different now; I know it would be... She’s who I want and even though its been years I’m still hung up on her... what do I do????

Conscious: I don’t know man, I am you.

Subconscious: Thanks; a lotta help you’ve been.

Conscious: Hey, I try to help and you don’t listen to me at all.

Subconscious: I triiiiied listenin to you! I stopped hittin her up and look where it got me; she rebounded to that loser. She’s such a fuckin bitch!!!

Conscious: ...But you love her...

Subconscious: ..........but I love her......

_______________________________

Act 1: Scene 2: “What? No applause?”

_______________________________

Anyone can “walk” into a valley party, but most unwanted guests “move along” after seeing the stationed police car at the foot of the driveway, feeling invisible and shunned by the other guests, or enjoying some of the free snickering and whispering insults inside. The latter sends chills of deja vu to the cruel halls of high school where the “cool girls” giggles were always seconds away from slapping the smiles off your face causing your stomach’s stomach to churn butter. In turn, your head and confidence fall like the temperature of the dessert from day to night where not even a quick peek to your phone’s banner-less “unpopular” locked screen can help shield the blows......... Fuck.

Feeling your eyes tingle and cheeks flush, the next action is impossible to resist; because it’s in human nature to embrace extreme emotions on either side of the spectrum, 10 feet past the girls you glance back seeking assurance all your glum is warranted. When you feel incredible and the world’s at your finger tips, you’ll find ways to take that pleasure and bliss to the greatest heights imaginable. Conversely, while wallowing in the lowlights of your ostracized self esteem, you want nothing more than to cut deeper, bleed harder and dig down as far as possible... And THIS is why you solemnly glance back looking for multiple sets of glaring eyes telling you more than you ever wanted to know: “Frickin loser” “What kinda haircut is that?” “Those clothes don’t match at all!” “I can’t believe they asked _____ to prom; pshhhh, like they had a fuckin chance”. Tell, tell on...

(congregating in the Merlo’s “forever an’a day” driveway)

Bastion: “So y’all ready to do this?”

Julian: “Y’all??? Ok Blake Shelton”

Q: “What’d you just say? Blake who?”

Bastion: “Duuuuuudddee... are you talkin bout the voice again?”

Julian: “How would YOU know?”

Bastion: “Because you’re always watchin that shit; hello, we live together?”

Julian: “True”

Q: “ANNNYways, (turns to Stephan) You ready to do this? Lover boy here is still stuck on that one chick so I’m gonna need you to step up and tryyyy to wing man tonight”

Stephan: “Ummmmm.... I don’t know. (takes a hit of his pipe in the car and turns around to exhale) I’m pretty high bro; I’m like, this high” (puts hand by his forehead)

Q: “Well good thing we brought plenty of alcohol to balance you out cuz you gotta be more drunk than high to hit on the ladies or you won’t care enough t’try”

Stephan: “What??? You NEVER try!!!”

Q: “Yea and for Me, and MEEEE only, that ISSS trying”

Stephan: “How does that make any sense?”

Bastion: “Don’t ask Steph, this could take hours”

Stephan: (hands on waist) “What have I told you about calling me Steph?”

Bastion: “Welllllll Peter Pan, (hand on Steph’s shoulder) when you actually hook up wit a GIRLLLL; I’ll stop callin you one”

(Bastion, Q and Julian erupt into laughter after a second of silence)

Stephan: “Well... I... I-”

Bastion: “-I, I (stutters) ya-ya-you you-”

Stephan: “-Shut up! (socks Bastion on the shoulder) Why Y’all always pickin on me?”

Q: “Good job Bastion, now everyone’s gonna think were some hicks at this party with y’all’s y’all; Fuck dude! Stop sayin that shit...”

Julian: “Damn, don’t have a cow man!”

Q: “That’s better; I can handle Simpsons quotes just no more of this voice shit or your sex and the city sequel garbage”

Julian: “Prequel!!!”

Q: “WHATEVER!!!” (frustratedly shakes head)

Before entering the party, Julian tells Stephan to sag his pants a little bit less because the bunch up on his Creative Rec’s “looks retarded” and Stephan advises Bastion to crooked his Pink Dolphin hat a tad more to the side. Bastion “tries” telling Q to lose his unbuttoned LRG striped collared shirt since it looks too preppie with a solid colored polo on underneath but Q laughingly responds: “Fuck NO! One, we’re in the valley and two, since when do you know anything about fashion?”.

Acting like it’s their own mansion, the four walk right in the unlocked door... Severely uninvited, the heights brush off any shots of contempt with a quick dusting of their shoulder and pop of their collar. In public and especially deep in enemy waters, Julian must appear vintage “Casta:” strong, powerful, confident and capable of anything at any time. And to that effect;

Julian: “What? No applause? What the fuck is UP PEOPLE??” (throwing his arms out proudly #crickets)

Bastion: (jets over to the closest group of partiers and turns around excitedly) “Heyyyyy Prince Juliannnn, what uuuppp kiiiiiidddd??? (hand clasp/double back pats Julian) Good to see you man, glad you made it out; (pounds Stephan and Q) make yourselves at home!”

Q: “Thank you thank you... (smiles at a couple ladies he recognizes) We DEFinitely will”

The main room is nearly 8000 sq. feet and split into three levels with two single stairs dividing each area and a yellowish vanilla cake carpet below the white lamps perfectly matching the shades of the white walls. Unloading their non premium alcohol on an unoccupied table in the lower living room, the stark contrast in tastes is evident: from champagne, imported beers, aged wine and high end liquor to the heights two 12’s of Pacifico, Sailor Jerry, and Hennessy; no shot glasses necessary. And THAT’S the real difference between the two; the valley show off their “old” money with “la-di-da” clothes, fancy toys, and top shelf liquor all the way down to the “Grey Poupon” like condiments. While opposingly, like many prominent NFL and NBA stars, in many capacities the heights still live like their “pre millions” days; it’s what they’re a custom to, what’s comfortable, and thus what they prefer... Unlike the Merlo family, the Casta’s were not always rich, but that’s a distant story from a different time; live, live on...

_________________________________

Act 1: Scene 3: “Welcome to the Valley...”

_________________________________

Tyler: (intently staring at the four from a distance) “John. Send one of your boys to keep an eye on our ‘guests’. Tonight feels askew; maybe the wine’s from an off year or maybe its because Liliana has yet t’say a word to me, but something is a miss”

John: “Miss what”

Tyler: “Something is wrong”

John: “Wrong with what?”

Tyler: (frustratedly looks at John then Nick) “Nick, can you help him out here?”

Nick: “Something IS a miss; I concur”

Tyler: “Thank you Leonardo”

John: “Can’t catch me if you can, I’m the muffin man!”

Tyler: “It’s GINGERBREAD! Gingerbread man!!! You’re like Biff from Back to the Future; always fuckin up your lame ass sayings” (#stillrelevant)

John: ”Ha ha-who was I sending t’follow them?”

Tyler: (sigh) “Forget it” (leaves to the dance floor)

Severely jealous of the heights’ camaraderie, Tyler hated his daily exchanges with his “friends”. Currently in guest room 6 with “random girl 42,” Perry (Tyler’s bestie) was an emotional vampire who fed off the real emotions of the no esteemed girls he victimized on a nightly basis. Utterly self involved, Perry shut down Tyler’s rants about how much he missed his ex girlfriend Liliana Merlo and could care less how maddeningly determined Tyler was to trump the final imprint left on her mind as a broken boy weeping. Pushed around and emotionally abused by those who “loved” him growing up, Tyler became incapable of treating woman or anyone he loved right. Ever fearful of the vulnerability that accompanies attachment, Tyler distanced himself from those he cared for before they could push him away... By subconsciously contorting Liliana’s traits into vices and picking petty fights over nothing, Tyler painstakingly convinced himself that he didn’t love her.

For Liliana, their relationship was an endless war of attrition: if she curled up to him during movie night or snuck herself into his arms while sleeping he felt smothered; when she gave him space he felt alone and unloved. There was no balance since he favored the moon over the sun, the night over the day and the hurt over the happy. Growing weary of constantly disappoint-ing Tyler and feeling like a failure of a girlfriend, Liliana slowly withdrew... Anyone who feels like they cannot bring happiness to their significant other will eventually shut down; if you can’t bring light to your partner’s world, the darkness will inevitably sneak into yours and even the brightest of souls will leave those they cannot dance with together in the shine of the sun.

Like a hawk perched above the dance floor, Tyler creepily peers over to his poser bride Liliana and continually scans the room to ensure no one steals her beauty or “passes her by” ; ) Once Tyler’s surveillance camera lands on his arch nemesis, Q points at a girl dancing in front of him and lips: “Is this your sister?”.

Playing to an inside joke that was anything but “funny” to Tyler, none were to stand in his way as he dives towards Q. Yet, like a father sensing someone’s adjusted the thermostat, (#familyguy) the queen smoothly sifts through the floor as the randoms almost bow in allowing her to pass by... With her seductive tone and enchanting hypnotic ice eyes, Jasmine needn’t ever say much:

Jasmine: (runs outside of her index finger from Tyler’s temple t’chin) “You wouldn’t wanna ruin your girl’s birthday now would ya?” (slightly pushing him on “ya”)

With the expansive wing span caged and descent halted, the frightful bird returns to his perch. One talon latches on to the ledge while the second grazes the branch back and forth like a shy school girl. And as if the bubbly soul can feel his gaze, Liliana turns to his defeated eyes, smiles and does an overly excited puppy dog tail waving “HI!!!!” with her left hand. For even after all Tyler’s put her through, Liliana still shines down upon him with her glowing warmth as the Merlo’s hold the uncanny ability to reign down sun like beams at any moment and brighten up the world with their unparallel-ed charisma and charm... But as any yang to the yin and any bipolar song to sing, alongside the highest highs comes the lowest lows.

Seeing her kid sister’s welcoming wave, Jasmine turns from seductress to devil’s caretaker and wickedly drags her ice eyes from her darling sister to throw her disgust towards the tall drink of sour milk at his perch.

Tyler: “Hey! (looks down) I thought you said no drama tonight?”

Jasmine: “Don’t you fuckin look at her like that!” (with a wolves like sneer before disappearing into the crowd)

DJ: “Whoa dude... you’ve been marked”

Tyler: (looks down at his chest and wipes his finger across his Versace laced button down shirt before giving the DJ a “what the fuck is this?” look)

DJ: “Hey hey, (hands up) I don’t know man, I just work here”

As if channeling Perry, Tyler’s confidence frantically bounces through the crowd looking for a “victim” in which to find solace; finding only an empty chair, Tyler takes a seat and grabs all nearby alcohol. Unable to drown any of his sorrows, Tyler swims in the night’s sky pondering how one sister is a sunlit angel while the other tangos under the moonlight leading the devil herself... ponder, ponder on...

________________

Act 1: Scene 4: One

________________

(in the always popular wine cellar)

Dru: “So Tyler walks up to me and is like, who invited you here? And Perry comes in all, ‘I DID; what’s up?” (arms akimbo)

Bastion: “Siiiiiiiick. (fist pounds Dru) Ya know, don’t tell anyone I said this; but that Perry fool is kinda alright...”

Dru: “...I guess”

Tyler relished and even mustarded sitting 3rd on the Valley’s depth chart behind Jasmine and his bestie respectively; although he was a year older than Perry, he never exuded his debonair and vampiresque traits. Nevertheless, Tyler’s station in life afforded him more than he could handle in the ladies department...

Noel was a pretty young thang who picked Tyler up off waivers and seamlessly entered and departed at his will after placing herself in the channel between the two shores of his heartbreak. And due to her impeccable timing, (and killer ass #letsgetreal) Tyler preferred Noel over the other “lower class” randoms who could only wish to be the queen “stone” on which he stepped. The world is all relative in it’s classes, which is relatively classless; step, step on...

Full of liquid courage and weary of the stoner continually excusing himself to the front yard, (#smokebreak) Julian begins the fatal search for his ex Veronica. Wine cellar? No, his friends were drunkenly laughing over something juvenile no doubt. The kitchen in the Viking part of the estate? No, just the “we’re old but still cool” ladies scoping some wine; not very cool at all. Out on the balcony of life? No, just the smokers, Julian thought: “Didn’t they know that they were killing themselves??? Hmmm, they do look rather cool though”. Finally... to the dance floor.

(DJ mixes to “Swedish House Mafia - One (your name) feat. Pharrell”)

Sequencing to the beat, the DJ lights flare through the crowd: four white beams flash on and off 7 times in a circular motion to each bass beat before a flood of bright white lights on the 8th beat lead into the 1st again. With no Veronica to be seen (flash) during the first few cycles, (flash) 20 feet forward, (flash flash) mid smile and mid grove, (flash) Julian spots (flash flash) an unknown goddess. (floooooooooooooooood)

His eyes grow wide and the pure bliss of excitement tingles his spinal nerve. Common to a movies romancing, these new ice eyes just so happen t’tip toe in his direction and upon upward looking, Liliana casts a spell or two his way... Levitation is not a magic trick of David Blaine or Chris Angel rising for that night they saw themselves dance on glass ceilings before their eyes reconnect in passing’s kiss...

Liliana sees him walk in the door to their egg shell white house with two dogs galloping in their greeting, three kids running from the kitchen gleefully giggling and preparing his favorite meal. As the door’s daily gift to them all: the provider, the lover, the father and the order Julian brings is unparalleled in it’s windfall; for when the wolves huff and puff at the four, he builds another wall t’block the winds forever roar. Walking towards her, Julian’s eyes cannot hide their feelings and collapse with emotions reeling, unable to hold back from the depths of her allure. Intertwined in eye’s kiss the moment he enters their safe haven, Liliana sees herself through his mind as he’d dreamt of hours before: staring out at office window panes now healed, Julian envisions a reflective Liliana adoringly gazing back and lips “I love you” into mirrors sprung; evoking Liliana t’smile back down upon with no need to respond any words in return...

Sitting in “bored” meetings, Liliana sees his mind drift off t’last night’s reindeer games of waiting for her t’tuck in the kids, so happily ready to dream; for years after meeting, Julian still sits on the bed unsuccessfully attempting to remain tame, unable to contain smiles from leaping off his face knowing her black cocktail dress so elegantly flowing would soon fall to the floor. Involuntarily springing to her side, Julian’s left hand moves from thigh to waist while the right pushes Liliana’s angelic hair from beside her face exclaiming: “God you’re beautiful, have I told you that today?” and regardless she’d always smile, reply and say: “No... but please do tell me at least once more”.

From his eyes Liliana sees how touches rile such frenzy from wanting her so crazily as blood boils and scorches Julian’s mind with passion normally reserved for novels and movies never read nor seen. And in that moment’s dream, the two passerby’s saw the future life they’d built; enchanting visions of the pure fantasies of what could be; but nearly ready for time to start on up again, the lights flash on once again in patterns trend...

Trembling to stay strong upon waking in the dark so blind to emotions here, (flash) leaving the worlds of heights and valleys, (flash) Julian jumps to his feet all the while feeling who was near. (flash) And since taste certainly likes to linger, (flash) Liliana wakes to the same flavor (flash) before (flash) reaching out t’grasp (flash) what they’d found on this night of all nights. (flooooooooood) And far beyond dance floors, the two leap up to their royal thrones t’feel the moans of heart’s aching breath, soul’s yearning lust for each other to possess; and with shallow breathing in duress, both must remind to execute yet the body won’t dilute waiting for it’s counterpoint to exhale; inhale the pulsing vibes and smiles of all minds on the floor dying to find the breakdown. The DJ knows how to make the orgasm blast, continuously wait and last; the lights pattern faster, so fast; double time, triple time, till the sequence is ridden; adrenaline of random’s raving elbows glisten whilst all bodies tense t’listen with open hands beating air drums in anticipation of the orgasmic breakdown. A pleasure drenched instant in silence leaves all breathless until the DJ drops the track unleashing pure ecstasy while white lights flood robustly to the spectacle currently flying off the balcony of life: for standing under the bright white lights lay the prince of hated heights and the princess of valley reich’s; lip locked, love tied, sending shockwaves to shatter the moon’s deeps and tidal waves to the sun’s shores it’ll gladly keep. For with all past love’s now erased, bore in booming sounds bouncing blissfully they’re replaced by a complexity she never could have wished, depths of souls he’d never dreamt to have kissed with neither caution to winds possibly whisked, nor names to have forgotten they’d possibly missed. Flood. Flood. On...

As The Rush Comes (#ATRC)

Marston James

Amazon > As The Rush Comes on Amazon

"Social Media and technology have ruined human interaction and relationships to create attention starved self validating monsters chasing after digital realities that are anything but..."